Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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