I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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