So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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