I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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