I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
