Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
