so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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