Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
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Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
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I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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