mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
