You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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