Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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