i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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