i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
