Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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