WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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