Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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