I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish you could order shots online.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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