Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
