My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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