make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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