My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
