Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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