it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize