I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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