new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
