I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
