I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
