I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
