Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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