So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
