he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
