Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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