I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Alive.
So much puke
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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