Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
