We got so high we made milksteak
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
