It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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