I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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