Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
