ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
