I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
