There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
