Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
