Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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