Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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