Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
