I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
