my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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