I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
