Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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