Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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