I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
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If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just had sex on a roof
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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