I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm gonna fight the coyote
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
