So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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