Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
