I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
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I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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