I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i out mim tonsoeep
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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