I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
