What a fucking waste of an outfit
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
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The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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