Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize