i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop