I would do horrible things to your vagina.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?