The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
