He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.