I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
