Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize