he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
